Find your medicine and use it

When I was a little girl, I was known as the block crybaby. I would cry about every slight, real or imagined, and go home and sulk. My mom would look at me and say, “get over yourself, get your butt outside and play.” I would plead my case on deaf ears. I learned to buck up and develop a “thick skin”. Okay, I pretended to be someone that did not cry, did not get hurt physically. I became seemingly immune to the older kids picking on me. I would wait until bedtime and cry. I would pray every night that my bullies would just let me have one day, where I could have fun without being teased. When I started grade school, my heart would break at the other kids who were being bullied and teased, who were unacknowledged because they were more on the quiet side. I needed to become friends with them and make sure they knew they deserved to be treated as they were, wonderful people. We started to all gravitate together, and by 3rd grade we had our own group. We were the nerds. A large majority of us came from the same beginnings, St Vincent’s Orphan Asylum. You’d think that was such a coincidence, but it wasn’t. Most of us were there at the same time, some of us longer than others. But there was a recognition, only finding out later that we were not given up out of circumstance. We were truly unwanted. Maybe that’s why so many of us went on to be in service to others, as intensive care and hospice workers, social workers, etc. The group members who weren’t adopted were also devoted to being of service to others, becoming teachers of the deaf and teachers of special needs children.
When I grew up, I became an astrologer who specialized in a little planetoid named Chiron, also known as the wounded healer. We are all born with a wound, which is passed down from our parents. It’s not all gloom and doom, because Chiron recognized those who suffered as he did and was able to heal them. Chiron could not heal himself but kept trying. When learning astrology, you are the first person you study. It’s awesome to find your innate talents, where you shine the brightest, but with that you also must face areas that need some work, that aren’t so bright and shiny. That is painful, but by immersing yourself into the good, bad and ugly, you find yourself. I found that what I felt for my friends was a deep compassion, complete love and acceptance, and a strong need to let them know they are perfect the way they are and that they were born worthy. I want them to see their gifts. I want them to know I will always believe in them. I realized in time that I not only felt this way about my family and friends, but just about everyone and everything I encountered.
Unfortunately, my actions did not reflect that fully until recently. I became chained to the corporate world. Being extremely competitive by nature, I wanted to move up as quickly as possible. I moved up alright but sold my soul in the process. And then one day, I crashed and burned. It took a lot of convincing to accept that my race, to be not just the best in my field, but the very best, was on the wrong road. You must be tough in that world, and I was, which spilled into all facets of my life. I lost all compassion, became an empty shell, and turned into a mega bitch. I ignored my truth and tucked Chiron into a black hole. That’s when I decided to give up a high paying job, with excellent benefits, and go to school to become a yoga instructor. There, we were encouraged to be compassionate. We were treated in a loving kind way by our instructors. We felt that way about each other. I remembered you must love to let love in, letting go of that which no longer serves you. I finally found my Dharma. Yoga is not my job, it’s my deepest love. I get to connect with so many people. I get to show them how loved they are and the gifts I see in them. I get to do what has been natural to who I’ve been throughout my entire life. I found my medicine and how to use it.
So, I challenge you to find your own medicine, your gift, your true love, and share it. By sharing, you are not only helping others, but you are healing yourself, and making more room for love.
~Namaste~
Rita

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