Coping Self

There are four third order factors in the Coping Self: Realistic Beliefs, Stress Management, Self-Worth, and Leisure. Irrational beliefs are the source of many of an individual’s frustrations and disappointments with life. Even those who hold to such fictive notions as “I need others to like or love me” can cope successfully with life’s requirements if they learn to manage the inevitable stress that they will experience. Likewise, self-worth can be enhanced through effective coping with life’s challenges. As self-efficacy is experienced through success experiences, self-worth increases as well. Finally, leisure is essential to this concept of wellness. Learning to become totally absorbed in an activity where time stands still helps one not only cope with but transcend others of life’s requirements (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990). Leisure opens pathways to growth in both creative and spiritual dimensions. The Coping Self, then, is composed of elements that regulate our responses to life events and provide a means for transcending their negative effects.
Importantly, each of the components of the IS-WEL model interacts with all others to contribute to holistic functioning. Similarly, the contextual factors each have an influence or impact on the individual, and the individual affects his or her context. These interactions may be for better or for worse, individually and collectively.
The above information was taken from:

That’s nice but what does this theory mean to me?
A theory is only as good as it can understood and then APPLIED! If you can not apply a theory to your situation, in this case your life and the life of your family, then they theory is just that…something nice to know.

Coping Self: There are four factors in the Coping Self: Realistic Beliefs, Stress Management, Self-Worth, and Leisure.
Do you have faith in your abilities? The abilities of your family members? Are you setting out realistic expectations? Are you setting goals that require you to reach, stretch, and grow but yet are realistic and attainable with work? How do you cope with stress? Do you take regularly scheduled breaks to refuel? Do you have me time? What do you do for fun as an individual, as a couple, and as a family?
Action you can take:
•Employ all family members in keeping the house in order. Everyone has jobs, even the littlest ones. Everyone can do something. Realize that when someone does a job, it may not be done exactly how you would do it. However, if it is done then it is good. For example, you may fold the towels a certain way, but others do it different. Folded is folded. Do not go behind and redo. Rotate jobs so everyone gets a chance to all the jobs. If there is something you can not let go, then do not add to the list.
•Allow for choices when appropriate. It is time to get dress, will your son wear a red shirt or a green shirt with his jeans. Let him decide. Don’t give choices you are not comfortable with. I would not allow choices for meal time. What you cook is what they eat. If you want to let them choose one piece or two, which is a different story.
•Set goals for yourself. What do you personally want to accomplish this month, this year?
•Set goals as a couple. Where do the tow of you see yourselves going? What do you want to work on in your marriage? All marriages take work to grow and sustain.
•Set goals as family. What adventures or experiences do you as a family want to tackle?
•Set a routine up for your family that includes functional as well as fun activities. Do not forget to include a time to relax. I am not talking about overscheduling yourself but I am suggesting that when we know what to expect things move and operate much smoother which results in less stress.

Until next time….
Change. Discover. Transform.
Carla Carter, Ed.D., LCPC, CMPC, EMDR Certified

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